Well, what’s new? My wig had its first outing one evening this week, and it was a success! My first evening out for weeks, dinner at a friend’s house, and my lovely friends made me feel very at ease. It was nice to have hair again and really lovely to have hair to twiddle. Twiggy Wig Twig stayed put and felt ok, though after a few hours my poor head had had enough. So off the wig came, and for the first time I was in a group of friends with my egg head on display. It felt good to be so relaxed and natural, and a big thankyou to the safe, loving, kind atmosphere that my friends created that made this mini milestone so easy.

The tiny little stalks of hair I have on my shaved head are falling out more and more. So glad I shaved it, couldn’t have coped with long strands falling out all the time. Wearing headscarves has been ok and drawn less attention than I’d anticipated. It does feel a bit strange having something on my head all the time though. My head is sore and some days my scalp feels like one great big bruise, but it’s manageable. It is really chilly having no hair on my head, positively drafty so it’s all taking a bit of getting used to. A fab friend introduced me to Buff headgear, which is really soft and has saved the day when at home.

It’s been a tough couple of weeks. The positive news from the scan was fantastic, great that the vileness of the last two treatments hasn’t been of nothing. The joy of this has been slightly overshadowed by the fact that the result is that we have to carry on with the vileness of 4 more treatments. And increasingly the realisation that there is so much more treatment after chemo to come and the details and reality of these are not yet known. It’s a very upsetting and unnerving position to be in.

I was going through the calendar for the coming few months, trying to work out weekends that friends can come to stay or that  we can plan to do fun things. And the opportunities are depressingly so few. The aftermath of each chemo leaves me feeling so so ill for 10 days, which includes two weekends. Then I feel kind of ok, though shattered, for 10 days then it starts again. Well at least that’s what it’s been like so far, I don’t know how things may progress, so that’s all I’ve got to go on when trying to plan ahead. My last chemo is scheduled for 31st August, so this summer = chemo. And looking ahead to plan jollity, the grand total of weekends between now and the middle of September that I hope to feel well is … drumroll … two. Ugh.

Perhaps my mood isn’t helped by a near total lack of sleep in part thanks to the insomnia brought on by my meds. The meds have other side effects, including a smidge of slightly trippy hallucinations just as I’m drifting off to sleep in the first couple of days after chemo…brie flavoured hazelnuts is all I’ve remembered – surely a new product that needs bringing to market?!

Other than all that gloom, and despite it being a very emotional week it was a good week. So nice to be able to go out and feel like everyone else. Chemo is very isolating and those few days of being able to do the things we did before all this are so precious. It definitely makes you appreciate the little things in life that seemed so insignificant before.

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