Well, first things first, apologies for the utter failure to reply to your messages over the last few weeks. Time has been super limited this time, for reasons I’ll explain.

So I went for chemo 4, the first of the new change in regimen. As per the actual chemo was fine, a bit quicker than before as there are only three bags of fluids on the drip. Despite feeling rubbish prior to chemo, my blood test results were really good, similar to those of a ‘normal’ person, not just that of a chemo patient which puts me in good stead. Felt very low going into this one, so tired etc but good to know that physically I’m in ok shape. They kept me on the big guns anti sickness meds so as not to work on a trial and error basis as we have before.

The first couple of days at home weren’t too bad. The weather was beautiful, following weeks of heavy rain, which lifted everyone’s mood a little and being able to relax out in the garden was lovely.  And a big bonus has been minimal nausea so I was able to at least eat something every day.

Gradually various side effects kicked in, too boring or too personal to mention them all here, but the main was pain, pain, pain. Shooting nerve pain mainly in the joints but all over, making it impossible to pick up Tilly, carry her or even have her sit on my lap. Painful mouth and teeth too. Pins and needles in my hands, incredibly sore nails which are starting to discolour-yuk! I’ve lost my sense of taste, just as I regained my ability to eat, which is SO irritating.  Extremely tired too. It was a long 14 days until I felt a bit more normal, which is a long time when you only have 21 days between treatments. And throughout those following better 7 days I still seem to have a new side effect every day to deal with. For example my eyes are really sore and my eyeslashes have begun to fall out. So every couple of hours or so for the last week I have an eyelash in my eye which, apart from anything, is so annoying!

So time has been extremely short this time. A few days of feeling not too hideous, one of which was taken up with most of the day at hospital for appointments, and another will be chemo 5. Each day feels like a trial just to exist at the moment and save up energy to put a front on for Tilly. Thus catching up with emails/texts has rather fallen by the wayside this time – sorry. Please keep sending them though and I hope I’ll be a bit more with it going forward.

Fab times mixed in throughout though. We’ve had lots of visitors and friends to stay, who have looked after us and made us feel extremely loved and cared for just at a time we really needed it. Some have travelled far to spend a couple of hours, others stayed several days. Some popped down the road, and others took each of us out for a change of scene. Yes, we are exhausted, frustrated and sad but without the support we have we would be lost. So a huge thankyou xx

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